The Opportunity of a Lifetime Ruth G Claxton When a child joins the new family of his father, who has remarried, is he to be called a stepchild? His father’s new wife has no children from another marriage but, they share one six months’ old child. The boy’s last name and his father’s name is the same. The infants’ name is also the same as his. Will he understand this? He knew his father first and he’s a stepchild? Is that fair? Then there’s the new wife; she’s a stepmother. In all the stories he’s read in the children’s books his grandma gave him, stepmothers are wicked and step children are treated badly. His mommy has told him he is going to go live with his daddy and his stepmother. He’s scared; he doesn’t want to live there! At eighteen years of age, I was that stepmother! It was not just one child who came to live with us, but one girl and two boys aged three to eight. I very much wanted those children of my husband’s for I had grown to love them over the eighteen-month period that I had known them. Their father had been confident that the children would come to live with us soon, as that’s what we both wanted and he was working toward that goal. To be prepared for when the time came, my husband and I had prayed daily to our Heavenly Father asking Him to give us the knowledge and the compassion we, especially I, would need to put those children at ease when they came to live with us and that they would know they were loved equally in their home with this new little person who was their baby sister, along with their dad’s new wife, the mother figure, in this home. And too, as the mother figure, we had to find a way to assure them that I was not taking their mother’s place as she would still be their mommy, while also making them aware that I, along with their father, were the authority figures in their new home. To help them be more comfortable with me, I spent as much time with the children as the busy early spring planting time period, in which they came to live with us, permitted. I tried to find ways to include them in these tasks and to make them fun for the children. Living in a rural area with livestock and pastures, woods and creeks was new to these youngsters and brought enjoyment to them. I understood, as it was also new to me and I was as delighted as the children were, to roam the woods, swim in the creek and feed the livestock. They could watch as I milked our family cow. It helped that I was little more than a child myself in those early days of our new family activities and companionship. The children quickly adjusted to living there with their daddy, a new baby sister, and this new person they had decided to call, “Mother”. As the children grew up, no reference was ever made to them as stepson, stepdaughter, stepbrother or stepsister. Nor did I ever hear from them, any reference to their sisters as stepsisters--three more were born during the four years these children had been in their new home. These seven children are all grandparents now; in fact are all senior citizens and have lived physically close to each other all their lives until more recently, some have purchased winter homes in warmer climates, taking them away from each other for periods of time. Their father and I started the trend of getting away from the cold a number of years ago and they are now following suit. Wherever they live, their love has remained steadfast for their family. My husband has been called Home now and our oldest daughter the year before him. She and I had several winter seasons of one-onone time together as she chose her winter home in the same area as ours. She constantly talked about her life and told me how wonderful it had been with anecdotes of incidents that I remembered, of some of the fun we had. She also spoke of some of the wise moves we made, her father and I, that prepared them so well for life as adults. Her validation of some of these highlights of her life made me so thankful for having had this opportunity to have the wonderful life I have lived. My life, now in its December, is further made special by her two brothers and her four sisters who are there for me to see to my every need. I live independently and all I really need is a visit or a phone call, as I get often, from any and all of the six remaining sons and daughters, and hear, “Hi Mom! How are you today”? I am so happy that the Lord was with my love and me, in answering our prayers so many years ago, when these three little ones came to live with us. When I am aware of any situation similar to ours where any parent is being presented the opportunity of rearing the children of a spouse—yes, opportunity—of combining two families, as we did, I give a resounding, “Go for it! But, be sure to pray long and hard for Divine Guidance in how to handle the situation, so that the families will meld as one. By not taking this opportunity to love these children from another marriage or letting the ‘step’ separate you from making them yours, you may be missing the opportunity of a lifetime”!
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